Thinking about another pregnancy
After pregnancy loss, whether miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy, thinking about another pregnancy may not feel simple or straightforward.
You may find yourself pulled in many different directions at once: wanting a baby, worrying about what might happen next, wondering whether you need more time, or feeling unsure how to move forward.
Experiencing a miscarriage can be physically and emotionally overwhelming. For many, it involves significant physical symptoms and evokes an immense sense of grief, as well as other psychological effects.
There’s no single “right” way to feel. Many people describe a mixture of hope and fear, confidence and hesitation, excitement and exhaustion, sometimes all at the same time. Your feelings are shaped by your experience, and they deserve to be met with understanding and respect.
Whatever you’re thinking about, whether you can’t wait to try again, feel pressured from others, are waiting because of medical advice, or are wondering if you can do it again at all, it’s normal to feel conflicted. Many people find themselves in the middle: part of them ready to move forward, and part still holding on to the loss.
When can we try again after a miscarriage?
Many people ask how soon after a miscarriage they can get pregnant again. Sometimes, medical considerations will mean it’s out of your control. Here we provide information to help support your decision-making about the right time for you to start trying to conceive after miscarriage.
Please note that this is intended as guidance only, and we encourage you to speak with your health professional about your individual situation.
What is the medical advice about when is best to try again?
In most cases, the best time to try is when you and your partner feel physically recovered and emotionally ready to try again.
It’s not unusual to read different or conflicting information about when is best to get pregnant again. In some cases, there is clear medical advice about waiting, but these are the key things to know:
- To avoid infection, doctors usually advise not to have sexual intercourse after miscarriage until all bleeding has stopped.
- It can be helpful to wait until you have had at least one period after your loss before trying again. This helps with clearer dating of any future pregnancy, and allows your body to recover, including your hormone levels and the lining of your uterus.
- It’s also recommended to take a pregnancy test before trying again, as a positive result could suggest further follow-up is needed.
Your period usually returns within 4–6 weeks after a miscarriage, though for some it may take longer. The first cycle after a loss is often longer or shorter than usual.
You can ovulate before your next period, so contraception is advised if you’re not ready to conceive. However, if you do become pregnant before your next period, recent evidence suggests that it doesn’t increase the risk of miscarriage, provided you are physically well.
Why might I be advised to wait?
Sometimes the timing isn’t in your control. You might be advised to wait after surgery or treatment, still experiencing symptoms, going through follow-up after a molar pregnancy, waiting for test results, or on a fertility waiting list.
Those periods of waiting can feel especially frustrating, as if life is on hold and everyone else is moving forward. It’s okay to feel irritated, impatient, lonely or even bereft.
There are some circumstances when you will be advised to wait before trying again:
- After a molar pregnancy, during the specialist follow-up period
- After ectopic pregnancy, either after surgery or after being treated with methotrexate
- If you are coping with an illness or infection, especially if you are taking any medications that are advised against in pregnancy.
If you have had a second trimester (late) miscarriage or repeated losses, you may want to talk to your GP or specialist before trying to conceive.
If you are having investigations after recurrent miscarriage or second trimester loss, you may be advised to wait until those are complete before trying again.
What can I do to feel more confident in a new pregnancy?
You are likely to want to do what you can to reduce risk and increase the chance of a successful pregnancy. This can make a difference to how you cope.
A good starting point is to follow all the NHS conception and pregnancy advice as best you can. This is likely to include advice about weight, smoking, alcohol and caffeine as well as foods to eat and avoid. Your doctor or midwife (if you have one) may be able to answer any particular concerns.
It’s also important to talk with your doctor about any medication that you take regularly or often. That can help you decide whether taking it, or not, is best for you and your baby. In most cases, deciding whether to take a medication is a process of balancing up the risks and benefits with the support of a health professional.
For more information on pregnancy after miscarriage, you can vsit our page below, which details what to expect, understanding your emotions and how to manage anxiety.
Understanding causes and risk factors
It’s helpful to understand the difference between a risk factor and a cause. A risk is something that is associated with an outcome. A cause is something that is responsible for producing an outcome.
There are several things that increase the risk of miscarriage but, even if you did any of those things in your last pregnancy, that doesn’t mean that any one of them actually caused your loss.
For example, someone might have smoked heavily in the first months of pregnancy (a risk factor for miscarriage) but their loss may have been caused by something totally different, like a blood clotting problem.
Will doing things differently help?
There is no guarantee that doing things differently will lead to a different outcome, but it may help you feel more confident in dealing with the uncertainty.
Some things can be easy to change, for example following health advice more rigorously or taking a treatment if you have been offered one. Others can be more difficult.
For example, you may find that your partner or other family members have strong – and possibly differing – views about what you should or shouldn’t do differently. They may have opinions about the food you eat or the work or exercise you do. This can be unsettling and undermining and may cause conflict. Although they may all mean well, you may need to find an ally – someone who will support you in doing what feels right for you.
If a surrogate was pregnant for you when you experienced your loss, you may have mixed feelings about whether you would like them to carry for you again. You may feel a need to do things differently by trying to find a different surrogate. They may really want to try again for you, or they may find the idea difficult. It may be hard to find and build a relationship with a new surrogate.
It’s important to try and balance your feelings around making changes with the reality that these changes may make little difference to the outcome.
If you and your partner are both able to get pregnant, you may face the decision of who should carry the pregnancy this time. Some people who experience loss may feel the need to get pregnant again, others may prefer their partner try instead.
These decisions can sometimes come with complex emotions around guilt and blame. If you are finding it difficult to find a way through, you may find professional counselling can support you to have these conversations.
Thinking about stopping trying
Some people reach a point where they wonder whether trying again is something they can continue to do. This might come after medical advice, or simply because the emotional, physical or financial cost feels too great.
Many reasons can make the thought of trying again more of a dread than something to look forward to.
Even so, it can be scary to let yourself think about not trying again. It can take time and courage to face any feelings you may have and to achieve some kind of acceptance that will allow you to move on.
A different kind of loss
Deciding not to try again, or to pause without deciding either way, can be painful in its own way. It can mark the end of a chapter you had hoped would continue. Feeling that loss, too, is valid.
There’s no right timetable for this, and no single way to decide. Some people make a clear choice; others go back and forth, letting their feelings settle before deciding what feels best for them.
It’s very likely that you have spent many months, if not years trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant. When you stop trying, it opens up a new space, one that used to be filled with hopes and plans for a future with children. Even though it may have been difficult and distressing, the medical care such as hospital and GP appointments can leave a space too.
You may also experience an unexpected feeling of relief. No more decisions to be made, no more anxious days and weeks, waiting for a scan, and no more medical intervention if things don’t go to plan.
Thinking of facing a life after stopping trying can raise many new questions. You may find it affecting your relationship with your partner, for better or worse, in which case, open and honest communication is important during this time, and you may find professional counselling help beneficial.
You are likely to find that the raw feelings of loss ease over time. There may still be a continuing sadness, perhaps especially on certain dates and occasions, but there can also be some comfort in remembering the brief life of your baby or babies.
Above all, you may find some relief in closing the door on ‘trying’ and allow yourself to think about moving on to a different kind of future than the one you had planned.
Support and connection
Reading about others’ experiences or talking with people who understand can help you feel less alone. Some find comfort in forums, support groups, online spaces or peer-to-peer conversations. Simply knowing that others have felt similar conflicting emotions can be reassuring.
However you’re feeling – whether ready to try again, unsure, waiting, or thinking about stopping trying – your experience is real, and you deserve support that meets you where you are.