There is no set time for your feelings to ease; and they may last longer than you – and those around you – expect. Even when you start to feel better, there may still be some tough times.

You might get upset when you have your first period after the miscarriage. The bleeding may take you back to your miscarriage experience. It may also feel like a cruel reminder that you are no longer pregnant. Sometimes a bad day comes out of the blue. But sometimes it happens for a reason, like if a friend tells you she’s pregnant or has a baby. Bad days often come on special dates – like the day the baby was due, or the anniversary of the miscarriage. Finding your way through these feelings may not be a straightforward process.

Being kind to yourself, talking to people you trust and finding the right help can make a big difference. If you are finding it difficult to move forward, we can help you think through your next steps.

We asked women and their partners what helped them with their self-esteem after their loss or losses. These are some of their suggestions.

• Read other people’s stories and remember it’s normal to feel how you do.
• Give yourself time to grieve – let your body and mind adjust.
• Start a new skill or hobby – ‘after feeling so much that my body had let me down I had to remind myself of what it COULD do right.’ ‘Joining a female voice choir and the therapy of music was hugely instrumental in helping in dark times.’
• Challenge yourself – I ran the London Marathon and used it to raise funds. This made me realise my body is actually strong and it can do amazing things. It’s too easy to blame yourself.
• Get your feelings out in the open by talking or writing things down in letters, a journal or on our website.
• Be kind to yourself – ‘a very kind doctor told me to be kind to myself. I had some time off work and she advised me to do things I enjoyed, to make sure I got outside each day. I felt I had been given permission to begin to heal.’

Lots of people told us they felt lonely and isolated after their loss or losses. Here are some of the things that helped them cope.

• I felt less alone by sharing my story online. It helped me tell everyone, without having to say the words out loud.
• I don’t feel comfortable with friends with new babies. I used to hide away now I just openly say it upsets me and people understand.
• Raising awareness really helped me. Getting people involved in the video I did for baby loss awareness week made me feel less alone and helped turn a negative into a positive.
• I talked about it anonymously on the phone to someone. I could say things out loud without feeling judged or worrying about hurting other people’s feelings.
• Spell out exactly how you’re feeling to your partner, don’t assume they will just know or expect that they should.

If you struggle with your mental health already, you may find that pregnancy loss adds extra strain and makes it harder to cope.

“The losses have made my anxiety (which was mild before), more difficult to deal with. I’ve started worrying more about losing people close to me such as my husband. I’m terrified of going through another miscarriage.”

If you have used coping behaviours like food (restricting or eating more), exercise, self-harm, alcohol or drugs in the past, you may turn back to these after your loss. Although they may help in the short term, relying on them may mean you don’t seek long-term support or find more helpful ways to cope.